Australians are forced into acknowledging the event, not always because we want to, but because the force of America's biggest sporting event hits like floodwater - it can only be kept away from the house for so long.

What can be written with confidence is that most Australians would know that the Super Bowl features very expensive ads, has a pretty cool half-time show (Beyonce, Madonna and Missy Elliott and Katy Perry this year) and awards one of the ugliest trophies (Vince Lombardi trophy) in the sporting world to the winners, who then are legally allowed to take over the White House for 24 hours and P-A-R-T-Y.

Of course, there are Australians who actively follow the NFL and for all those at work on Monday who don't want to know the result until they can watch a replay, it's a matter of locking down social media, radio, television, your workplace, your friends and your life until you can escape to your home without hearing who has won. Or how Tom Brady is styling his hair.

Ah, Tom Brady. To most Australians, he is the ridiculously good-looking player who married Brazilian super-lady Gisele Bundchen. Brady is the star quarterback for the New England Patriots, who will the play 2014 winners, the Seattle Seahawks.

Disappointingly, Beyonce refused my constant begging to return for the halftime show, so instead Perry will shake her candy pom-poms for a 20-minute concert that will probably have a bigger budget than our health system (thanks, Joe).

A tad over 63,000 fans will cram into the University of Phoenix Stadium in Glendale, Arizona. They will look like Vikings and  may scare you. At least during the AFL grand final we manage to keep the face paint to a minimum.

The Patriots - and Brady's hair - are favourites to win, which is weird because they kind of, maybe, sort of cheated to get their way into the game.

The game coincides with what I consider to be the real sporting event of the day - the Puppy Bowl XI. Animal Planet in America will broadcast Team Fluff v Team Ruff, and oh god, my hands are shaking thinking about it. PUPPIES! If you can't get behind the human players, you have no excuse not to support these angels.

If you're planning to watch it live or just have a chance on the interweb, the best way to celebrate this festival of the finest culture America has to offer us is with the right snacks. This is no time to declare your love of celery sticks or bang on about Greek yogurt: this is a hard-core time and only bright yellow or orange foods are allowed: fried chicken, mac and cheese, chips, cheese in a can, over-cooked burgers, and special hot dogs with mystery ingredients. Because Americans have terrible taste in beer, you too will need to consume copious amounts of awful ale. This is no time to appreciate a craft brew or limited edition release - crack open the Bud Light (the official "beer"), which tastes like the watered-down tears from baby Jesus.

But even if you're not a fan, even if you roll your eyes at the very mention of the words "Super Bowl", please, please, please, just watch it for the ads. Trust me - these 30-second, $3-million wonders are brilliant.

Super Bowl XLIX crash course:

Who's playing: Seattle Seahawks v New England Patriots

Prize: $97,000 for the winning team, which will barely cover their peanut bill for the after-party. They also get rings, made by Tiffany & Co, which will either get lost at the back of the couch or hocked to pay for bail money.

Tickets: The cheapest seats start at an eye-watering $800, with the average price working out to $5000.

Rules: There are four, 15-minute quarters, and the second half kicks off in a similar style to that of rugby. A touchdown is worth six points and a field goal is worth three points. A tackle only occurs when at least one of the player's knees hits the ground.