ZAHNE CASTLEY is a Mount Isa psychologist studying her Masters at the University of Melbourne. She is studying positive psychology – the science of human flourishing. She has the absolute luxury of investigating how people flourish, succeed, remain resilient and become happy. She wants to share her learning with the community she loves and help her town, and the people in it, to flourish.
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IN A book called The top five regrets of the dying, Bronnie Ware, a palliative care nurse, outlined the pattern of regrets common in people during the last 12 weeks of their lives. Her list is as follows:
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
When I look at this list, I am struck by several things.
One is how important authenticity is to living a life of no regrets.
It seems that longing to be free to express feelings, welcome happiness and ‘‘living true’’ to the self are components of this one idea.
Living a life that is true to oneself, and one’s own ideas of what a ‘‘good life’’ is – rather than being influenced by those around (people and media).
The other thing that strikes me is the importance of relationships – the point of regretting working so hard was made in the context of missing out on experiencing children’s first experiences as well as other primary relationships.
I have written before on the importance of relationships for wellbeing, and it seems that those entering their last days see clearly this fact – relationships are key – our family and friends are crucial components of experiencing the pleasures of life.
What does this mean practically for us, who mostly, will likely live quite a while before we get to our final weeks?
It means prioritising those things that make us feel most like us. It means nurturing our relationships and supporting those key to us. This is not to say that we must all ditch our jobs and no longer function in the same way.
But it does encourage us to pause, and at least identify our values – identify what is most meaningful to us, and work hard to craft a life that supports those things. It may mean leaving unfulfilling roles, or working hard to ensure our life outside of work is filled with things that support our authenticity and relationships fully. Consider the following:
•What do you enjoy that makes you lose track of time?
•What do you do that makes you feel most like you?
•Who do you feel safe with sharing the most inner parts of yourself?
•Do you need to foster your most courageous self and make a brave leap in a new direction in your life?
•Is there an old friend you haven’t spoken to in a while that you could make contact with today?
Take some time today to contemplate some of these, in the absence of any influence outside of yourself. Then, most importantly, take a step (or several) in action towards developing a life that lines up with the person you are as well as devoting much time in crafting fulfilling relationships.
You can contact me on my website: www.zahnecastley.com, email: zahne@
zahnecastley.com or join in of Facebook at Zahne Castley – Positively Thriving.
