This discussion has filled me with hope.

On average 181 domestic violence reports are made to Queensland Police every day - and so many more go unreported. At least one woman is killed in Australia every single week at the hands of her partner. If these statistics are familiar, then Domestic and Family Violence Prevention Month is doing its job.

But I'd also like to talk about what I don't want to hear people saying because, in a way, that's equally important.

When you're talking about domestic violence there are a series of outdated phrases that seem to keep popping up.

The thinking behind them needs to be challenged and eliminated. Doing this is vital to countering this pervasive problem that is breaking families and harming women and their children.

So here are five phrases that, if it is humanly possible, I never want to hear again.

1. "It's none of my business"

False. It is everybody's business. In a just community we look out for our most vulnerable and offer them help. When we wash our hands of violence in our midst we consign women and children to fear and pain. People ring the police in a second if a raucous party bellows from a next door neighbour's house, but why on earth don't the sounds of abuse compel them to pick up the phone? It's not "private". It's not "their family business". It's abuse – and we all have a responsibility to act.

2. "You can't help women who won't help themselves"

This is often said alongside comments like "why does she go back?". From my work in community organisations supporting women in Logan for many years I know that speaking out can be incredibly difficult for a woman experiencing violence. Women who have suffered domestic violence may have had their self-worth and confidence systematically and deliberately destroyed. Just picking up that phone or having that conversation can take everything that they have. No one can know the inside of another's family life. It's not for you to judge. We all need to provide support when she is ready.

3. "At least he doesn't hit her"

So not the point. Non-physical forms of domestic and family violence such as controlling behaviour, stalking, threats and verbal abuse are completely unacceptable, representing an attitude of dominance and ownership. They can cause serious damage and can quickly turn into physical abuse.

4. "He just loves his children so much"

Really? Does he really? World-wide evidence points to the harm done to children from witnessing, experiencing and being used as tools or threats in domestic and family violence. Children learn behaviour and attitudes towards others from the behaviour they see. You cannot show your love to children while abusing or controlling a family member.

5. "We shouldn't be lighting candles and talking about domestic violence, we need to actually do something"

We should do both. Always. We have to talk about it and keep talking about it. I don't want May to be the only month we are talking about domestic and family violence.

In an ideal world we wouldn't be talking about it at all because it would be eliminated. That's the day I'll stop talking about it.

Every year in early May, across our nation, there are candlelight ceremonies to honour those who have senselessly died as a result of domestic and family violence. In recognising their deaths, we commit to ensuring other women do not suffer the same fate.

Dame Quentin Bryce's landmark report into Domestic and Family Violence, Not Now, Not Ever: Putting an end to domestic and family violence in Queensland has 140 recommendations.

The Palaszczuk Government is looking at each and every one of these as part of our comprehensive response, which will underpin a strategy for tackling domestic and family violence.

We are the only jurisdiction in Australia not to have a strategy to tackle domestic and family violence, a situation we are determined to swiftly remedy.

But while we develop that strategy we are also acting immediately. We have announced two new 72-hour crisis shelters for people fleeing violence and we have recently allocated $17 million for new domestic violence prevention and support services right across Queensland.

We are talking and we are doing, because we must.

This violence has to stop. We need to call out the behaviour and attitudes that allow it – starting with these five ill-informed phrases.

If you suspect someone you know might be experiencing domestic violence, Trust Your Instinct, speak up and call DVConnect (1800 811 811). You might just save a life.

* Shannon Fentiman is Queensland's Minister for Women