London: Shane Watson says a realisation he no longer has the intense drive needed to recapture his best Test form, and a belief he would be hindering the progress of emerging all-rounders, prompted his decision to retire from Test cricket.
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The 34-year-old announced his retirement from all first-class cricket to one-day squad teammates in the team hotel in London on Sunday morning, before the team travelled to Manchester and he travelled to the airport with his family to fly home (due to a minor calf injury). His voice was still quivering when he publicly shared his announcement about 10 minutes later.
"My most emotional time has been telling my teammates. But . . . I'm hopefully not moving on forever, still able to play some one-day and Twenty20 cricket for Australia as well," he said.
Watson said his experience on tour, of having played only the first Ashes Test before being dropped, had triggered reflection. While the retirements of Michael Clarke and Chris Rogers at the end of the series temporarily strengthened his will to continue in Tests in a bid to help Australia's Test team cope with the significant loss of experience, in recent days he had resolved to do the opposite and just focus on limited-overs internationals.
"There wasn't really one exact moment, because I've been through a lot of different sort of mindsets: believing the right thing is to play on, to the next day to 'Nah, I think the right thing is to retire from Test cricket'. The past couple of days, for whatever reason, I had the clarity in my mind about what the right decision is," Watson said.
"I just know that I've given everything I possibly can to get the best out of myself. I just think it's time to move on. I don't have that real fight in me, especially for Test cricket knowing the lengths physically I have to go to, and mentally and technically as well, to be able to get back to my best again in Test cricket. I just know it's the right time."
Watson confirmed he had been discussing his future with coach Darren Lehmann, chief selector Rod Marsh and new captain Steve Smith, and that they supported his decision even though it meant Australia was shorn of even more experience ahead of the Tests in Bangladesh next month.
"I just knew with the young group — especially of all-rounders coming through, which is very exciting — and where I'm at as well, knowing what it takes for me to be at my best in Test cricket, I just knew that spirit isn't there anymore . . . and 'Boof', Steve Smith and Rod totally understood as well where I was coming from.
"The experience side of things was the major reason why I was considering staying on, but I just knew in the end I wasn't going to be doing a service to the group."
Watson said he looked back very fondly on the period from mid-2009 when he was thrust into the opener's role midway through the Ashes, and formed a reliable partnership with Simon Katich. He said his consistency in that period helped counter his frustration at his poor conversion rate, with him finishing his career with 24 half-centuries but only four centuries. In 59 Tests he scored 3731 runs at an average of 35.19 and took 75 wickets at 33.68.
"I haven't achieved certainly all the things I dreamed of achieving in Test cricket – average 50 with the bat and in the 20s with the ball. That's obviously the dream as an all-rounder to achieve and obviously I didn't get anywhere near that, but I do know I gave it everything I possibly can to be able to get the best out of myself. That's what I'm most proud of," he said.
"The opportunity I got, really from Ricky Ponting, to open the batting in the 2009 Ashes . . . things really kicked on for quite a few years from that moment," he said.
"Of course, I didn't convert the 50s into 100s that I certainly would've [liked to], but it's certainly not through lack of trying. I was doing everything I could. It just wasn't meant to be in that regard."
Watson maintained he had been treated fairly by the public and the press, compared to his peers, in regards to his Test performances.
From my perspective, all I know is what I was able to achieve when I was at my best and playing really well, and for the past couple of years in Test cricket I haven't been able to produce exactly that – consistently, anyway."
"I certainly don't think I got marked harder than anyone else. It's more just . . . not being as consistent as I was when I was, opening especially. I wasn't performing like how I know I could have, and in the end things got written about me accordingly.
"Early on in my career I realised that I can't worry about what people think, whether they like me or don't like me, appreciate me or don't appreciate me. In the end all I've done is tried to get the absolute best out of myself."
Watson expects his calf injury will heal within a few weeks, and hopes to play in next month's Matador Cup domestic one-day tournament for NSW.
