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Unusually by the standards of recent years, Australia had an opportunity to play at the end of the Davis Cup that doesn't involve round one interzonal qualifying provisional clashes in Darwin against a nation with a labyrinthine name quite possibly ending in "stan".
The setting was a semi-final, no less. In a plaintive and presumably inadvertent echo of the "no" vote regarding national independence, the opposition comprised a Scottish team played in Glasgow, in front of a crowd characterised in a Guardian report as "overwhelmingly Scottish", under the banner of Great Britain. Ultimately the thrill proved all too much for our lads, but much was learned along the way.
"You have to really walk the tightrope and stretch the boundaries," explained John Fitzgerald during Andy Murray v Thanasi Kokkinakis, amid a quick fusillade of mixed metaphors, none seeming strikingly pertinent to tennis.
At the post-match press conference, Kokkinakis was honest in his assessment of the match and forthcoming with his praise for his victorious opponent. Or as commentator Todd Woodbridge summarised: "Nice analogy, and on the money, from Kokkinakis."
Ah, the great Phantom Analogy Plague of contemporary sport commentary. As is mandatory in such situations, there seemed to be no analogy attempted whatsoever. Simile, metaphor and allegory also seemed thinly scattered on the ground. Todd probably meant "analysis", or maybe "description". Who knows?
After the tightropes, boundaries and analogies had all clattered to earth along with Australian hopes, Davis Cup captain Wally Masur was cited in Fairfax dispatches as having said that Andy Murray had been the difference between the sides. If you were a sport commentator, you'd presumably say that was a "solid analogy".
Murray was in all three rubbers that gave them the win. He loomed unambiguously as the on-court problem beyond the Australian players to solve. Admittedly a case could be made that a hypothetical member of some equally non-factual, prehistoric and perennially bushwhacked tribe lost to the eyes of Man who had never so much as heard of any earthly phenomenon even vaguely relating to lawn tennis could have come to the same conclusion, if granted a few hours access to a courtside box and a cold beer.
But you can see why they pay Wally the big money.
Meanwhile, at the rugby World Cup the stars were the boundary reporters, or whatever they'd be called in rugby.
From New Zealand v Argentina: "Down here it's electric. I know that term's very used (sic) a lot." You know, that expression IS "very used a lot". Given a language that runs to hundreds of pages in larger dictionaries, maybe someone could dredge up another term one of these days. But you wouldn't be holding your breath.
At Samoa v USA the not conspicuously over-informative scene-setting call from the sidelines was: "Lots of intensity". From this the match announcer back in the booth mysteriously deduced: "Tom's keeping us right up to date'".
Maybe he had a stylish new haircut.
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