And then there is the story of how, way back when, at a time when Bob Carr was at the height of his powers as Premier of NSW, the learned one had boasted at a Monday morning cabinet meeting that he had attended a football game the previous day. When asked whether it was rugby union or rugby league that he had watched, the Premier fired back: "Don't ask trick questions."
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He was not alone in his base level ignorance os such sporting matters. With the notable exception of Bob Hawke and Tony Abbott, those who arise to positions of political power in this country are frequently all but entirely removed from the sporting passions of the people who have put them there.
And I don't say, necessarily, that Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull is a case in point. He was, after all – just like Abbott and Joe Hockey – a lower grade Sydney University prop. But I do say Prime Minister Turnbull looked awkward in his brief appearance at the Dally M's last Monday. Tell them what you said, Prime Minister:
"There's a lot of luck in rugby league and there's a lot of luck in politics. Shaun Kenny-Dowall's pass was intercepted by Darius Boyd and then Ben Hunt did not [throw] quite so long a pass and of course set up a try. It's the result of course that matters."
Who believes those comments anything other than what was handed to him by a minder, just before the telecast, that he instantly memorised? Of course they were! Waaaay too detailed to be credible.
Sack the minder.
I'll do it.
Dear Prime Minister,
I offer this as the only cheat-sheet you need to know for today's Grand Final:
■ Today is all about Johnathan Thurston. Australians love an Australian fulfilling a long-held dream, and today is his day. He has been around; I kid you not, since the turn of the century playing Jersey Flegg, is probably the best footballer in the country across any code, and he bloody well deserves to win a Premiership.
■ As to the Broncos, if they win, it will simply consolidate Wayne Bennett as the most accomplished coach in the country. He was the successful coach at the Broncos, from their foundation in 1988 for a couple of decades, then went to St George and then Newcastle – picking up a Premiership for Saints along the way – before returning to the Broncos this season. It is a huge achievement for him, in their first season back, for them to even make the Grand Final, as they have struggled without them.
■ Whatever happens, it is obviously amazing that two Queensland sides should have made the Grand Final. A light comment from you about how those north of the Tweed are as good at rugby league as they are at playing banjos will go down well with the rest of the country, but not so well with them. (Don't ask me how I know, I just do)
■ At the end of the match, you'll present the trophy to the winning side. The crowd will likely boo. Don't worry about it. It is just what Australian crowds do to Prime Ministers. And your boos, if they occur, will be a lot less than what Tony Abbott received on the same occasion last year. Some people reckon that, back then, some of the booing was so loud it had to be coming all the way from Point Piper. But that's another story.
■ Enjoy the match! True, as a rugby union man, you may in your heart of hearts regard it as "five-tackle-and-kick", but there is no doubting the leaguies display an impressive combination of toughness and athleticism.
Vive la Republique,
Peter Fitz
