FIVE THINGS WE THOUGHT UP ... WHILE PLAYING WITH CONCUSSION

1. As Gary Ayres would say, footy's had its Bernie Vince types with two first names, its Taylor Hunt types with two last names, and its Steele Sidebottoms with two silly names that aren't really names at all. Now it's got your Aliir Aliir with two names that are exactly the same. No doubt about it, the game just keeps getting better.

2. Sure, that fly-on-the-wall footage of Roosy telling the Petracca kid he's about to make his debut was kinda sweet. But for real entertainment, surely someone could have recorded Cale Hooker phoning Ross to tell him he'd rather stay with the Bombers than come home and play for a basket case like Freo.

3. It's always nice to hear from Mick, but when Alex Rance has just likened his whacking of Jack Watts to the "one punch can kill" campaign, maybe saying he should only have got one week because he's otherwise been a solid citizen is a bit off the pace.

4. Come to mention it, when did a footballer apologising to the bloke he belted by text message make everything okay? If you've got his number and you're really sorry, how about a phone call champ?

5. Not wanting to flog a dead horse, but did anyone else see that Essendon is just about the only club that's not going to apply to field a team in the new women's comp and think, "drugs"?

ARMCHAIR FOOTY BINGO

Some stuff that could happen this week but in reality is about as likely as Liam Jones bobbing up as the hero, even in a game of marbles:

– Clarifying his statement on that radio station that does the races about Richmond's list being good enough to win the premiership, Brett Deledio says the producers cut to the third from Gawler before he had a chance to add "in the Colac and District League, but only if Birregurra cops a heap of injuries and the surf's up at Lorne".

– The use of the term "blockbuster" to describe a game between North and the Bulldogs prompts a rash of adjectival unexpectedness, including Brad Scott's coaches' box demeanour being labelled "serene" and references to "twinkle-toed Shane Mumford", "clinical Levi Casboult" and the "enduringly popular James Hird".

– Taking a pre-emptive approach to keeping up with the latest trend in the game, Brian Lake calls a media conference to apologise for something stupid he hasn't said yet.

– Ross tells his Fyfe-and-Sandilands-less Dockers to just go out kick loads of goals, don't worry too much about defence, and remember the most important thing is to have fun.

FOOTYHEAD SAYS

From the bloke who was glad they closed the roof last Sunday to stop him getting sunburnt:

"On the scoreboard at Shocklands someone puts up a description of the free kickery for all of us dumb supporters. I think Nathan Buckley's job is easier."