5 THINGS WE THOUGHT UP ... WHILE DRAINING THE TALENT POOL

1. What's the bet those GWS kids get a baggy green cap with their first orange jumper? Typical bloody NSW.

2. Come to mention it, someone should tell that Tony Shepherd fella it's not just south of the Murray that "chairman threatens to quit" is met by yawns so powerful they could break jaws.

3. That said, if that Swans president who nobody's ever heard of either can maintain his form after calling Eddie an intellectual pygmy there might just be a sudden upsurge in interest in bland footy club administrators.

4. So Brad Scott reckons Lindsay Thomas is paying for sins of the past. From where we were sitting it looked like he's paying for a coathanger that nearly took Lachie Hunter's head off.

5. If someone told you Hirdy would be in court AGAIN, you'd swear they were on drugs.

ARMCHAIR FOOTY BINGO

Stuff that might happen this week but in truth is about as likely as Neil Balme's call that "nobody barracks for the AFL" and they should basically pull their heads in prompting anyone at headquarters to think, "yep, good point Balmey".

– Having pinched Tasmania's best women footballers to give to GWS in a move that recalled handing the Giants a licence ahead of a Tassie team in the first place, the AFL enhances its commitment to the Apple Isle by relocating Hawthorn and North Melbourne's home games to Spotless Stadium, which will henceforth boast a "Launceston" and "Hobart" end.

– The revelation that GWS are good and only getting better prompts a rash of penny-drop moments, as it suddenly dawns on fans that putting a woman on The Footy Show isn't going to turn it into a football version of QI, that Chris Scott is getting a bit tired of answering questions about how good Paddy Dangerfield and Joel Selwood are, that there's no point trying to spell or even say Kolodjashnij, and that Hayden Ballantyne is a bit of a knob.

– Pressure mounts on Geelong to "manage" Jimmy Bartel before he succumbs to beard fatigue.

– A hastily assembled guild of bush reserves teams advises Essendon that if they're going to have that many blokes lugging around numbers higher than 40 then it's mandatory to have some dickhead who thinks he's a heap funnier than he is wearing No. 69.

SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION

Six steps from Peter Garrett to Gubby Allan:

1. Peter Garrett is a tall, bald man who used to sing up a storm and dance a bit too but then he took his Power and Passion to Canberra which gave him a new take on Forgotten Years and now he's getting the band back together although he's not on a mission from God like ...

2. Jake and Elwood Blues, who were shaking a tailfeather way back when the Tigers used to win flags and their work left a mark so deep it could have been inflicted by Mother Mary Stigmata who wasn't a fan of cussing or stealing or getting on the drink like ...

3. Damien Oliver, who took that line about everyone pinning their ears back at the Warrnambool races a bit too far and now he's having a spell for a month but we're pretty sure he's not paying for past sins because if he was his career would be as dead as ...

4. Neil Prakash, who we've never heard of because this is the footy pages but apparently he was "Australia's most wanted terrorist" and he was from Melbourne so cop that Sydney and finding a terrorist named Neil is about as likely as Leicester winning the title for ...

5. Claudio Ranieri, who was rated a longer shot than Elvis coming back from the dead so he should have got the King to sing at their last game on Saturday instead of Andrea Bocelli who can't see which would have explained that famous kick across goal by ...

6. Gubby Allan, who was a Lion and Pie and went to Brisbane and then to the Orangemen but now he's left that particular political football behind and gone back to being surrounded by old friends in a place he feels right at home, a bit like Peter Garrett.

FOOTYHEAD SAYS

From the bloke who thought Royce was the most exotic name he'd ever hear:

"Last night we had the Kamdyn-Kaiden Cup. It's hard to believe that in a week where we wasted all of that time on Eddie being Eddie and Lindsay Thomas being pinged for priors (anyone call Stevie Baker?) this managed to slip through the net."