When I reunited with my mother in 1991 at age 19, she told me that I was not a forced adoption. She said it as though to wave away the notion that a terrible trauma had occurred at the time of our separation. She said that she wasn't drugged, restrained or forced to sign paperwork to 'relinquish' me for adoption as had happened to many. She was benchmarking her experience against those of others and was dismissive of her own as a lesser event. At the time, I was relieved for her???for us both really.

I know better now.

I was adopted in Queensland in 1971 at the pinnacle of the Australian closed adoption era, when the stigma of illegitimacy was a worst-case scenario for unmarried mothers and their babies. My mother was told to leave her Sydney home and to not come back until she'd dealt with the issue (I was the issue). She travelled north to Queensland alone, holding only a small hope of finding a way to keep me, but found only closed doors.

She worked throughout her pregnancy as a nanny to two children in Brisbane to support herself, as her father refused to help. On the day I was born, we parted ways without ever sighting or touching each other. She was offered no options or alternatives that would allow her to keep and raise me. Because she was not forcibly coerced into signing the adoption paperwork, she believes that my adoption was not forced, but what choice did she have but to place me for adoption? How can it be said that it was not forced?

"Consents obtained from unmarried mothers who were not fully informed of alternatives to adoption, were unaware of the consequences of adoption, or were influenced or manipulated by authority figures including their parents, doctors, social workers and church figures, cannot be said to be informed consent." National Forced Adoption Exhibition, 2012.

Before I attended my first anniversary event, I didn't understand why a yearly commemoration was necessary. I attended as someone seeking to support and acknowledge the loss of others and when I departed, it was as an adoptee acknowledging my own loss through forced adoption policies and practices and those of my mother, who was cornered into a checkmate position by society, her parents and the government.

It was moving hearing mothers speak of their experiences and having our losses openly acknowledged. One of the characteristics of forced adoption is that society didn't acknowledge there had been any loss. Honouring it now, through yearly anniversary events is important, not only for the grieving and healing process of mothers, fathers and adoptees - many of whom will come to their first event years after the apology itself, but also for broader Australia. This was a period when voices were silenced, and anniversary events are an opportunity for society to hear and honour them now and for the people affected to know they are not alone and that they are heard.

On March 21, 2013, the Australian Government delivered a formal apology to people affected by forced adoption or removal policies and practices. The apology was delivered by then-Prime Minister, Julia Gillard in the Great Hall at Parliament House and reflected recommendations made in February 2012 by the Australian Government Senate Committee Inquiry on the Commonwealth Contribution to Former Forced Adoption Policies and Practices.

On Tuesday, March 21, from 10.30am to noon, the 4th Anniversary of the Australian Government National Apology will be commemorated at Riverside, New Farm with a ceremony, morning tea and art exhibition.

To RSVP (by 13 March), phone 3358 6666 or support@jigsawqld.org.au. The event is an initiative of the Forced Adoption Support Service (Jigsaw Queensland) in association with ALAS, Origins Qld, Association for Adoptees Inc, and The Benevolent Society.

• Dr Jo-Ann Sparrow is an adoptee and writer josparrow.com. She works with Jigsaw Queensland Post Adoption Support Service. www.jigsawqueensland.com