Jobe, I see you have your feminist cap on again. You roam the flanks with the boys all day yet still understand it is women, too, who help put the cream in your coffee. Thank you, Jobe. Nick Riewoldt? Standing proud like a Norse god? Don't sit, Nick. You might not get back up again, with that knee of yours. Where's Bob? Bob Murphy? Wheel him in. Make space for Bob, Mr Poetry-In-Motion - the William Shakespeare of the West. Gary Ablett jnr? No, love - you're in the wrong place. We can't let you wave goodbye from the back of a car. The Suns need to let you walk instead.

Careful now, Stevie J, as you burst through the pack, don't break Bob. Scotty Thompson, you know what I'm saying. Your beautiful body's beaten up but you were rarely beaten.

Hey? Who's that snoozing? There's still the motorcade guys, we're not there yet. In fact some of you don't know where you are. That's what concussion does.

Men, you've managed to remind us in your time what it means to play for the jumper. Like the little black dress, the jumper can suit any occasion. At Essendon, it was worn for resilience and redemption. At St Kilda? Well, the white one was worn to attract a stain removal sponsor. Yes, Bucks, I know. Your jumper, it's clearly black and white, but it's left you in the grey. Why are you here with us anyway? You're still coaching. Which reminds me, could everyone make 'Rocket' Rodney Eade welcome? He's coached three clubs, and lived to tell the tale. Rocket - you said upon departing that there was still stuff at the Suns being swept 'under the carpet'. Now, some say 'what happens in the footy club stays in the footy club'. We want you to dish the dirt. Even if it's just the story behind the Suns' jumper design, which kind of makes the team look sunburnt and a little bit peeling on the side.

Today's jumpers are different to the one you wore in your first match, Bob, though you harked back to it in your 300th, sweetly requesting that the retro collar be recreated. In fact, some of the clash jumpers this year would've been over-the-top on Ru Paul's Drag Race, and Hawthorn's looked like they were made for the boys to wear on a buck's turn in Bali. Jumper rules are gone, as opposed to on the field where there are very clear rules, everyone sees when you break them, and if they don't the match review panel shall sort it out on Monday. Or Wednesday if there's an appeal. Or Friday if anyone still cares.

But much of what you guys stood for in your jumpers challenged the rules of a much bigger game: cultural diversity, gay rights, medical research, Indigenous affairs, feminism - and for the Demons, even class warfare, heavily disguised as a cheese platter. Huge leaps were made upon backs where the only thing that mattered was having shoulders broad enough to support them. You don't win at life just by kicking with the wind. It's scoring goals against it that matters.

Gentlemen, let us stand up and cheer now, while you sit and take a breather. But not for too long, OK? We need you back on your feet for next year's pre-season. There are a whole heap of women's teams that need your coaching assistance. And yes, Jobe, you're right, we need coffee too, and all the better if it's made by you. Thanks. Skinny cap, small, no sugar, please."

@MsLibbi Gorr (Facebook) broadcasts Sunday morning on @ABCMelbourne from 10am. (Twitter @Libbi_Gorr)